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Published On: Dec 09, 2003 10:43 AM
Total entries in this category:
Published On: Dec 09, 2003 10:43 AM
Walking toward the light.
After a long day of work I rewarded myself with a
night out at my favorite new haunt, Oil Can Harry's. Going there has been such a
delightful relief! I'm able to relax, talk to people, dance, be myself and feel
appreciated.
After a long day of work I rewarded myself with a
night out at my favorite new haunt, Oil Can Harry's. Going there has been such a
delightful relief! I'm able to relax, talk to people, dance, be myself and feel
appreciated. In many ways the past year has been a lonely one here in Los
Angeles. When I first got here I met a wonderful person within the first week,
had an intense romance for about a month, and thought that it was a sign that my
social life would be far easier and richer than the one in New
York.
Then as abruptly as it had started, it stalled again. I've always had a hard time going to the bars and clubs alone. There's that stigma of being single and not knowing everyone, especially in a place where everyone is hanging out with friends. These little social clicks are almost impenetrable. I would go out to the clubs in West Hollywood a few times, buy a drink or two, dance by myself, and spend an entire evening not even exchanging two words with another human being. (Apart from ordering the drink from the bartender.) I would go home, ego bruised, even less interested in going out and meeting people.
I'm sure there are half a dozen vicious cycles and self-fulfilling prophecies going on with that. If I feel unattractive and uninteresting I'm bound to broadcast that in my body language, etc. I'm also willing to bet that my lack of happiness regarding work, frustration with the whole acting thing, etc. contributed to it all.
Needless to say, I'm thrilled to see that the cycle is broken. Although I've got a frightening amount of work to do and money is really tight right now, I finally feel un-stuck in many ways, and the pieces of my life are falling together. I wish I could boil this into some simple mantra so I could jar myself out of any similar situation in the future.
I think my brother Mark described it the best. He said that when he focused on doing what he loved (flying and music) that everything fell into place. His career took off, he met the woman who would be his wife, etc. Worrying about all the "shoulds" and staying in a situation that had him miserable was what was aging him prematurely.
Sage advice for anyone.
Then as abruptly as it had started, it stalled again. I've always had a hard time going to the bars and clubs alone. There's that stigma of being single and not knowing everyone, especially in a place where everyone is hanging out with friends. These little social clicks are almost impenetrable. I would go out to the clubs in West Hollywood a few times, buy a drink or two, dance by myself, and spend an entire evening not even exchanging two words with another human being. (Apart from ordering the drink from the bartender.) I would go home, ego bruised, even less interested in going out and meeting people.
I'm sure there are half a dozen vicious cycles and self-fulfilling prophecies going on with that. If I feel unattractive and uninteresting I'm bound to broadcast that in my body language, etc. I'm also willing to bet that my lack of happiness regarding work, frustration with the whole acting thing, etc. contributed to it all.
Needless to say, I'm thrilled to see that the cycle is broken. Although I've got a frightening amount of work to do and money is really tight right now, I finally feel un-stuck in many ways, and the pieces of my life are falling together. I wish I could boil this into some simple mantra so I could jar myself out of any similar situation in the future.
I think my brother Mark described it the best. He said that when he focused on doing what he loved (flying and music) that everything fell into place. His career took off, he met the woman who would be his wife, etc. Worrying about all the "shoulds" and staying in a situation that had him miserable was what was aging him prematurely.
Sage advice for anyone.
Posted: Fri - October 17, 2003 at 08:38 AM